In a surprise press conference, Xbox head Peter Moore resigned from his post at Microsoft and announced that he was going to put all of his energy into winning the WWE  World Heavyweight Championship. "I've been training for this day all my life. Look at these 32 inch pythons! They've been going to waste. I've choked out 12 interns, I've made Ken Kuteragi tap out, I've dropped Kaz Harai with a DDT, I've put Bill Gates in the Cobra Clutch. And (WWE Champion) John Cena is next! I'm gonna style and profile when the ref counts 1,2,3 at Wrestlemania!." Peter 'The X-Boxer' Moore , as he is now called, then proceeded to tear off his shirt and assumed a bodybuilder pose.

When asked why he was leaving the successful Xbox position for professional Wrestling, Mr. Moore responded only by saying 'Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

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Nintendo Chief Marketing Officer Reggie Fils-aime started the E3 press conference by accepting questions from the audience. When he was asked 'Is Nintendo worried that Sony and Microsoft will pose a threat this holiday season?' Reggie burst out in seemingly uncontrollable laughter. The laughter was so intense that he was not able to complete a sentence. He repeatedly said 'Wait, wait, hold on' just as another round of laughter started. At 20 minutes in, he was actually rolling on the floor of the stage. Acclaimed game designer Shigeru Miyamoto came on stage in an attempt to calm down the guffawing spokesman.

Fils-Aime stood up and regained his composure, saying,  'But Shiggy, they asked if we were worried about the Xbox and the PS3', at which point Miyamoto and Fils-Aime both doubled over in laughter. This new round of laughing went on for another 15 minutes.

When they were exhausted and couldn't continue laughing, a reporter from IGN dared to ask, 'With the PS3's price drop to $499, isn't that cause for concern?' Reggie translated the question to Miyamoto, and once again, they shook with laughter. 'Stop, wait, I can't breath.' At this point, Fils-Aime took out his cell phone and called Nintendo President Saturo Iwata. 'Iwata-san, listen to this,' and after repeating the Sony price drop question, more laughter could be heard coming from the phone.

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Microsoft announced that all Xbox 360's plagued with the 'Red Rings of Death' defect would be fixed under warranty for free and users who have previously paid to get thier consoles repaired would receive full refunds. This will reportedly cost the company over 1.2 billion dollars. To pay for the refunds, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates will have no choice but to skip his normal lunch for the next 3 days. Usually the head of Microsoft dines on berries dipped in gold and water melted from portions of the planet Saturn's ice rings. But to save costs he has elected to settle for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of orange juice until Wednsday.

When asked for a comment, Gates remarked '1.2 billion? With a 'B'? Whew, for a second there I thought you said 1.2 zillion. I wouldve had to break out my AmEx.'

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While the June 29th release of the Apple IPhone was recieved with excitement by millions of affluent and socially concious young adults, the same day was the cause of dread to many charities that depend on donations from Apple's trend following customer base. Wendy Wilson of PETA explains, "That thing costs $500 plus another $80 a month for the service plan. That's money that college students would usually blow on a PETA Tshirt or tickets to a Save the Earth Concert." GreenPeace spokesperson Rain Sunshine echoed the concerns, "Its a disaster. And its not just us. Hemp belt sales have plummetted. Toyota dealers are already being forced to slash the price of the Prius. And those starving kids in Somalia and Darfur, it'll be a long time before they see another bag of grain."

It's not only charities that are being hit hard, other 'cool causes' are being pushed out of the marketplace. Micheal Moore's new film had a dissapointing box office over the weekend, and DVD sales of Al Gores 'An Inconvienent Truth' are at thier lowest point in weeks. Lance Armstrong of the 'LiveStrong' foundation said they have been hit the hardest. "What are we gonna do with 3 million $15 plastic wristbands now? Before the IPhone was announced, it was a sellers market".

Mike Works, a long time Apple user , was able to maintain his kharma while also keeping up with tech fashion. "I was lucky. I was able to cancel my check to the Make a Wish Foundation in time to get two IPhones, one to use and one to keep in the box as a collector's item. Unfortunatley the Pediatric Aids people were able to hit my credit card before I could stop them. So no leather carrying case for me. That sucks."

While many new IPhone owners had to chose between trendy technology and trendy charities, a few have managed to balance the two. Jennifer Dobson a Sophomore at UCLA told us, "Sure, to pay for my IPhone I had to cancel my sponsorship of a Ehtiopian village and skip out on an AIDs walk, but its okay because I used it to download the new Pearl Jam album from Itunes. I think they give a penny for every song downloaded, so I'm still totally helping out." 

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