There's an activity that is still (barely) legal that I engage in on rare ocassions. I engage in this activity after concerts, sporting events, mixers, or even when I just need to relax. Sometimes this activity involves other people. Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and everybody else, I engage in the highly taboo act of smoking.

 Now, I don't smoke marijuana. It's not because I think it's wrong, I live in Utah and I don't know where to find a hookup. No, I smoke a plant that is more destructive, addictive, and pointless...tobacco. I hit up my local smoke shop, find a cigar that looks the most like a black man's penis, pay the hippie behind the counter, and go along my merry way. I know most people think it's wrong, but if I followed along with what everybody thought was right, I'd be aggressively searching for some Mary Jane to make myself happy.

 Before I started playing Metal Gear Solid 4: Obscenely Long Subtitle, the last time I has smoked was June 16th after I attended Monday Night Raw. I nearly got in three accidents, spilled ash on myself, and burned myself with my butane lighter. It was almost worth it. The next time I had planned was on September 3rd, after I communed with my lord and savior. That was until last Monday, when I started playing MGS 4:OLS. I cleared out my whole afternoon, got my popcorn, Coke, and settled in for the long ass install, followed by a long ass opening cinema. However what I got was a surprisingly short install. It took only eight minutes, not the length of a episode of Coupling as I had been lead to believe. So I was treated to, not a recap or behind the scenes video, instead to eight minutes of Old Snake smoking.

Now I smoke two packs a day and have this growing black thing in the back of my throat. Damn you Old Snake.

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In the wake of the organization Mothers Against Drunk Driving calling for Grand Theft Auto 4 being re-rated AO another lesser known organization has been making waves in the gaming industry. The American Association Of Cynophobia has called for the yet to be released game Fable 2 to be rated AO with the rating descriptor "Intimidating Animals".

The AAOC is calling for this rating because of the "persistent possibility of possible canine assault" because of the dog that follows your character throughout the game experience. AAOC President Stephen King said, "Dogs are crazy animals. They can go nuts at any time. Look out behind you!" When it was revealed the thing he was warning me about was a kid imitating a dog, Stephen said, "Stay here. I'll get my gun."

The AAOC's actions may have been spurred by long time member Hunter Red. Upon first viewing of the Fable 2 videos from GDC, Mr. Red's comments were "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!! There's a fucking dog on the screen! Look out!" When told to shut up, Hunter responded, "Fine! When a virtual dog is ravaging my real life corpse, you can explain to people why you didn't take me seriously!"

It in unknown what Lionhead Studios' response will be, however an achievement has been leaked for the game. The achievement is called "Entirely Avoided Being Cujoed".

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Recently, Kotaku released a list of features that was supposed to be on the Microsoft 360 Spring Dashboard Update. In response, Larry Hryb, better known to the world as John James Preston, announced that there would be no update. However, today on his blog, Mr. Preston released a detailed list of what will be a part of the June 2008 Xbox 360 Dashboard Update to be released on Wednesday, June 18th at 3:00 A.M. PST. Here is a reproduction of that list.

The ability to plug in your iPod and stream music bought off iTunes. The ability to play videos stored on most external devices plugged into the USB port. The ability to clear any unwanted game from your played game/Gamerscore list, provided that no Gamerscore has been accrued. If a user is watching a DVD, the user will appear as "Busy". Recognition for selected DVD movies as well as games.

A new feature will be rolled out that will allow Gold Members to play Dreamcast, PS1 and PS2 games. This system, called Wired Extra ReUsuable Learned Extraordinarities, or W.E.R.U.L.E., is expected to work via a relationship with Black Pearl and head boss Jack Sparrow. The reaction to this move by game companies and console manufactures in decidedly "pissed".

Enabling of the ability to destroy the console of any cheating members via the as of yet discovered C4 charges packed in all 360 consoles.

The ability to turn the Red Rings of Death orange. The as of yet described "SeXbox" feature.

The ability for users to turn on the controllers rumble feature and leave it on for hours in needed. This is expected to greatly benefit female users.

The ability to check your Hotmail account for messages from Nigerians looking to give you large sums of totally legitimate cash.

The ability to surf the Internet for all things, except pornography. As a result of the inability to surf porn, this feature is not expected to be used.

The ability to hire a hit man to take out people who are better than you at Halo 3.

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The Hollywood Reporter confirms that Richard Rubenstein ("Dune") is planning to produce "Dawn of the Dead 2," and all I can say about that is, "Huh?!" What makes this story fascinating is that this is not going to be a sequel to the 2004 remake of "Dawn of the Dead," but rather to the 1978 original. Now, call me crazy, but isn't that going to confuse the hell out of today's movie-going public? And, wait a minute, wasn't there already a sequel to "Dawn of the Dead" released back in 1985 called "Day of the Dead?" So, then how exactly can we now have "Dawn of the Dead 2?"

A few years ago saw the release of "Land of the Dead," which was the sequel to "Day of the Dead," which had a direct-to-DVD sequel in 2005 entitled, wait for it… "Day of the Dead 2." 2005? That's the same year "Land of the Dead" came out! So, which film is the true sequel? I remember the fun I had driving to the theater with my friend Bryan to see "Land of the Dead" and trying to explain to him that what we were seeing was not in fact the sequel to the 2004 "Dawn of the Dead," but rather to 1985's "Day of the Dead," which was in turn the sequel to the 1978 "Dawn of the Dead." Now, I don't know what to believe.

To make matters even more stupidly complicated, word has it that "Dawn of the Dead 2" is set to star Tony Todd ("Candyman") who was also the star of Tom Savini's 1990 remake of the film that started this entire undead clusterfuck back in 1968, "Night of the Living Dead," which is not to be confused with 2006's "Night of the Living Dead 3D." However, in "Dawn of the Dead 2" Tony Todd will not be playing the same character he played in 1990's "Night of the Living Dead," having been zombified and shot in the head at the close of that film.

Got that? Oh, it gets better.

Now, in spite of the fact that "Night of the Living Dead" was remade, the 2004 remake of its sequel, "Dawn of the Dead," was not created as the first remake's follow-up, but rather as a standalone film. In 2008, the third film in the series, "Day of the Dead," was also remade as a separate movie, having no connection to the two remakes that came before it. However, both the remakes of "Dawn" and "Day" have actor Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction) in a starring role, albeit playing completely different characters in each film. Once again I'm left saying, "Huh?!"

In 2007, the mastermind who started this mess, George A. Romero, released his fifth film in his "Dead" franchise entitled "Diary of the Dead," which is technically "Night of the Living Dead Part 5." "Diary of the Dead" was released between 2005's "Day of the Dead" sequel and 2008's "Day of the Dead" remake, and is a prequel to the original "Dawn of the Dead," taking place during the same timeframe as "Night of the Living Dead." The original, not the remake. However, "Diary of the Dead" was meant to revamp the franchise and was set in 2008 rather than in 1968 when the series began. So, a film that's supposed to happen at the same time as another film that takes place in 1968 takes place forty years later in 2008? Absolutely fascinating. I knew they didn't have digital camcorders back in '68. I just knew it!

George Romero has now announced that he's making "Diary of the Dead 2." Wait just a damn minute! How can the sixth film in a franchise be called part 2? If you include spin-off sequels it's the 8th movie in the original "Dead" series, remakes excluded. So, more accurately it should be called "Night of the Living Dead Part 8: Dawn of the Dead Part 7: Day of the Dead Part 5: Land of the Dead Part 3: Diary of the Dead Part 2!"

Sigh... Oh, well... I guess I'll just go watch "Return of the Living Dead" instead, which was created as an homage to 1968's "Night of the Living Dead," which was later remade in 1990, then again in 2006 but this time as a 3D version that came out two years after 2004's remake of "Dawn of the Dead," and one year before "Diary of the Dead," which was the prequel to the remake of the sequel of.... OH FUCK IT!

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